Not Getting Paid

I like not getting paid to do things. That may sound so strange - but I can explain myself... hopefully.

This semester has been SO busy for me. I've been working in our student run firm, putting together a presentation for this national conference I will be attending, taking classes, doing my jobs on the PRSSA e-board, working on this newsletter publication team I'm on - yeah, just a bunch of random volunteerey things. In fact, I don't have time for a job anymore. Yes, that puts a cinch on my wallet, but I'm kind of fine with it. You see, I like not worrying whether my work is worth what I'm being compensated. I like feeling like I'm contributing and not having to weight my work to anything. I LOVE feeling like I'm giving of myself freely - or trying to.

This isn't supposed to be a "yay me, I do service" post. I'm just saying - well, have you ever tried just NOT CARING about money? You see, I have little to no living expenses, so I can kinda scrape by with meager change and meager need. It's glorious! I'd like to say I am happier with less ...things - and less concern about money management. Too bad we can't just all live that way.

Haha.

Just Around the Bend

I'm rounding a lovely little bend in my life and I feel good. I know where I'm headed for the most part and the things I don't know are just details I'll have to trust the Lord about. I feel like I can do so many things - and that feeling is amazing! It's been awhile... It has also been a little while since I wrote a blog post. Since June I have been spending most of my time at EFY serving, loving, and teaching the youth to the best of my abilities. I am amazed by how able the Lord has made me in my endeavors to be a good counselor, and I know He will continue to bless me as I strive to do His work and His will. It is so much easier to swim downstream. That is the way the water is meant to flow, and when you follow that path you are pushed along your way - your efforts are magnified. That's how I feel about serving people and the Lord. His way is the right way and when we go that way so many wonderful things are made possible to us. I've learned lately that the Lord knows what is best for us - when it's best for us. We always call this "the Lord's timing" but I dont' think that's completely correct - it is OUR timing, but He is the one who knows when, how and why. Sometimes the greatest factor, I think, is how we will react to each situation - whether we are ready or not for certain trials or opportunities to come our way. So, the best way to deserve what you hope for is to pray for it and do all you can to qualify for it. That's more than just planning out logistics - it's preparing yourself to make the right reaction and have the right mindset. I feel like I've learned a lot lately, actually. This is just one of MANY important things, and I'm loving every drop of it! I am excited for everything that's coming up. I'm excited to see how things will pan out in reference to my schooling, housing, job, church involvement, family life, social life, dating life and personal goals. It looks like another bend or two could come my way... as usual!

Something Happened Today

Yeah, it took me by complete surprise and sort of knocked me into a different gear - the right one. I guess that's sometimes necessary when you refuse to shift by yourself, even if it feels like a slap in the face.

Thank you, little something that happened today.

Little Darlings

I had a reunion with my old primary girls today. It was most glorious, but probably too exhuberant to really be accptable behavior in church, especially for eleven-year-olds. In fact, I was driven to lecture the poor things about it after my lesson.

Here is an old photo of the little darlings two Christmases ago when I was their real teacher. They are actually quite darling...

The experience today kind of amazed me, though. Here was a class of girls less than a year away from entering Young Women's who were sprawled out on the floor, noisily fiddling with rocks or pencils, yelling to each other over my voice [during the lesson] as well as over each other's, and sauntering about the room as they wished. Honestly, these are eleven year olds I am talking about. Manners did not exist in this classroom. Well, they were simply not expected of anyone, and neither was focus or respect for anyone or anything. Their hearts are, as always, very pure, but I think the environment was just too lax and the social order too judgmental for them to be very inclined to show it. Ultimately, I was shocked by how important acceptance and attention from peers is for them , but even more amazed by how they attempted to claim it.

Basically, their ultimate goal during class was to make everyone laugh at whatever they said or purposely did. I could tell it was very satisfying to each and every one of them when fits of giggles spilled in their direction. They fundamentally seem to depend on the support of each other. It's crazy - but I totally remember being their age when that was so true for me and my friends. I wonder when each of them will realize why the whole concept is so absurd. I wonder when I did.

But even so, when I was ten and eleven my own primary classes were so much more reverent. We would discuss the gospel, read and memorize our scriptures almost all class - well, that's how it seemed. I remember trying so hard to pay attention to what the words meant, but it was difficult for me to focus at the time, so I really should give these girlies some kind of credit. But someone should set expectaions for them as well. It would be good for them!

The point I'm trying to make is simply that they could do so much better, and I really am curious what factors have made their situation - the whole class dynamic - become so chaotic. Even in our separated classroom, we are still in the Lord's house, and [as I explained to them] we still need to respect the building, the spirit, and our neighbors. Heavenly Father will love us even if we aren't reverent or kind or successful in every thing we do, but we should still try to show our love for Him by respecting the reverence He asks from us when we are in His holy buildings.

It makes me sad to complain so much about these girls, especially since I love them so much. I think what really made me sad, though, was just the fact that I knew they were better, kinder, sweeter and much more mature than that.

Blog Bits

I have some questions about blogging, and if nobody answers them I will pretend they were intentionally rhetorical... How do I get my layout to cooperate with spacing and photo placement and such? Why do we have SO many social media outlets? Why hasn't somebody created one master site that combines facebook, flickr, twitter, blogger, etc. all into one? How many people actually read my blog? Why do they ask you to type silly security words before you comment on some blogs and not on others? Where do they come up with these words? It's fun to try and think up fake definitions... exicalen - the process by which a fish's scales resituate during growth and development synch - a grotesque Native American execution ritual (you know the one I'm talking about... with the horse... OUCH!) thobshe - a thick, sticky growth that usually develops at the base of a rotting log ...oh, Balderdash!

What am I thinking about today?

Maybe I should implement more structure into my blog. I could write about a certain topic and try to attract readers and then sell ad space and make lots of money. Lots of people do it! But that's not really me, I'm kind of a "go with the flow" kind of girl... I think... Anyway, I just decided that today I'm thinking about networking. It seems like everyone has to do it to get anywhere in life these days. It's more about WHO you know than what you know (and please don't quote me on that - I'm most definitely not the first person to say it). In the business world, nobody will remember a faceless person who emails all of their resumes and doesn't know anybody in the industry. Some of the most successful actors in the entertainment business got their big break because of someone they knew in particular who introduced them to someone else in particular. So I guess I need to get crackin' especially since I'm thinking of doing music PR. Whew. It's amazing how early you have to start in some fields of study. While in school, you are almost as focused on securing a job or internship as you are on gaining the skills to actually complete it. Next year I'll be VP of Professional Development fpr BYU's chapter of PRSSA (student version of the nation's PR trade society). It will be my lovely responsiblity to help the members I serve realize this and act upon it. Come to think of it, that might be one reason why I am thinking of networking and planning for my future NOW... I guess it's a good thing I believe in the concept. But even though it's kind of scary to get started, NOW really is the time to set the example! Woot!

Two Motion Pictures

It's official. I am a bad blogger when I'm not required to post something about once a week for a class. At the end of the day, I'm just not thinking about slapping words together in some body of text because I feel like all I'm doing these days is writing anyway. It's good because writing alot helps you improve your creative skills and usage, but it still burns you out and sucks all the words out of your brain by about 3 p.m. each day.

Today I just really want to comment on a couple of particularly interesting movies I have seen recently. I have always made it clear that my favorite movie is Memoirs of a Geisha, closely followed by Life is Beautiful. One of these two films I'm about to discuss challenges my top picks for their status, and you get to guess which one!

The first is a movie my roommate, Kayla told me about. Perhaps the most intriguing aspect of the film , titled The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, is that it is portrayed through the eyes of an eight-year-old boy named Bruno. It is amazing how completely his innocence breathes simplicity and clarity to the story and the issues involved, despite the horrific things he literally comes face-to-face with.

Bruno's father is a German Commandant at a concentration camp during World War II. His family is basically oblivious to the hideous, infamous acts and operations their father is commanding in the camp only miles from their new country home. I believe one of the most potent themes of the movie becomes prevalent when Bruno, hungry for adventure, sneaks away during the day, discovers the camp itself, and makes friends with an eight-year-old Jewish boy wearing a striped jumpsuit sitting slumped, tired and jaded on the other side of the fence. He has absolutely no reservations about befriending the young prisoner, something so basic to the forces of humanity yet so foreign to German society at the time. It is profound to also realize that through the entire course of the story, Bruno never truly understands what is going on behind those barbed wire fences. His heart is pure and true, untainted by ideas propagated at the time, just the way Heavenly Father placed it in his tiny little soul.

The beautiful kinship which develops between the two boys is tested and re-tested by fear, intimidation, and social stigma. Thoroughly shocking, the ending perhaps asks more questions than it answers. I couldn't stop thinking about it for... well, I'm still thinking about it aren't I?

The second movie, Penelope is probably one of the most pleasant, artistic, charming movies I have seen yet. I noticed on the cover of the DVD that it received an award for being a "truly moving picture," a well-deserved recognition, in my opinion.

Penelope is a girl who was born into blue-blood society with a pig snout nose. In an effort to reverse the alleged curse which bestowed her the abnormal nose, Penelope must marry a fellow blue-blood who accepts her as she is... or so her mother thinks as she centers Penelope's entire young adult exsistence on the courting of young men who each ultimately run with fright upon sight of her.

In my opinion, she is actually a rather pretty girl despite the snout and her tender yet clever countenance make her even charming. The overall message Penelope teaches viewers is one about physical appearance. However, after one young man sticks around a bit longer than usual, makes return visits to Penelope and develops sincere feelings for her behind closed doors, literally, he inspires her to break free of her home's confines and enter the world with courage and curiosity.

Penelope's acceptance of herself is the most inspiring facet of the film. It teaches us that being happy with who you are can get you much further now than accomodating your skills to a pre-determined success-type.

Well, I'm sure you have figured it all out already.... drumroll...

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

Really, I just loved both movies. I saw some similarities between both, actually, what with the constraints both had on their lives.

Stones and Sand

It has been about a month since I've posted. I apologize to anyone who may have been biting their fingernails waiting to hear the latest news and chatter about my quaint little existence, only to find that I have continued to neglect my beloved blog. I don't feel bad about not posting, though. It's not like when you open your journal and see that the last date listed was a lot further in the past than you realized. Then you read the entry and think about everything that has happened since, everything you now feel the need to record before you jot down that certain event or feeling that prompted you to open your journal in the first place. Yeah. I don't feel like that. Even so, I will perform the customary quick-list update that happens when such an event occurs... -I have successfully finished half the semester. Woot! -About thirteen articles written by yours truly have been published in BYU's Daily Universe and people actually read them - and come talk to me about them! -I still love my job even though things are kind of changing and it feels wierd. -My high school friends keep coming home and I don't know what to do with myself or what to think. The whole experience is bringing me face-to-face with something I feel totally disconnected from now. At least I'm recalling nice memories!

-I am still financially stable enough to pay rent and have a little wiggle room for groceries and necessities while keeping a safe amount in the bank. Just keep swimming... just keep swimming...

-My group won the midterm case study competition thingy in my COMMS 336 class. We had to present a PR case to Elder Ballard (aka Professor MacFarlane) about a campaign we organized as an effort to increase and improve full-time missionary service by young men in the church. We worked so hard... and basically dominated.

-I made a tough, annoying, beautiful, frustrating, should-have-been-expected realization last week. I know I have to do something about it - and that's the scary part!

-I love my PR friends. -I have no idea what I am going to do with my life when this semester ends, and I think/plan/worry about this multiple times daily. That's really not sufficient enough to do this month justice, but it's some of what's been going on. I'll take it. :) So, in conclusion, and in reference to the title of this post, I have a commentary to make about time management. [sorry- random, I know] It's so true what they tell you in young women's when they fill a jar half full with sand and then try to squeeze in a bunch of rocks that won't fit. When they put all the rocks in first, then pour in the sand, letting it fill in all the holes and cracks left by the stones, they make a perfect point. You really can't do everything when you put off the most important things. I'll bet a lot of people would be surprised to find out all the things they really can accomplish in one day... when they plan right and work hard. It is the most amazing feeling to go to bed at a decent hour near the end of one of those days, feeling totally and entirely complete - that you accomplished everything you needed to that day, and still had a little bit of time to do something that makes you happy or lifts you up spritually. Stones first, my friends! I'm pretty sure a little prayer or two or ten will help you out too...

Soapbox of Vindication

You know what, I am so gosh dang far from perfect. I really am trying to be right and good. This post will be short but pointedly in defense of my actions, thoughts, concerns, and fears that seem to occasionally inhibit proper social interaction... whatever that may actually constitute. I feel like everyone needs opportunities to grow, and that everyone else should respect those needs. Being sensitive and open is not bad or weak, and it is always better to solve problems with a soft heart and forgiving countenance. Especially if you don't understand someone, you do not have the right to judge their judgement. I am genuinely sorry to everyone who may read this and be filled with feelings of regret or frustration. My biggest fear is perhaps knowing that someone does not feel at least a small portion of comeraderie between them and myself. I hate contention, and try to avoid it at all costs. I am also a pleaser, and the combination of all these overwhelms me and occasionally compromises my ability to think or speak as clearly as I would like. The End.

My First Story!

I am writing for the Daily Universe this term. Yesterday, my first story ran in the paper and I was a wee bit excited... and frightened... So, my friends, here it is: Marriage fortified through disability By Hilarie Laukat On the 19th anniversary of Julie Graves' marriage to her husband, Nevin, she set out with him on a leisurely mountain bike ride, only to return home over a year later unable to use her paralyzed lower-half. Julie had lost traction on the ride and fallen down a steep cliff, an accident which, she believes, has made ordinary tasks particularly difficult to accomplish. Despite the physical difficulties that accompany disability, Julie and Nevin Graves do not believe that Julie's paralysis has done anything but good for their relationship. "We have always had lots of love," Julie Graves said. "But if anything, it has really deepened; it's not so much on the surface now." Physical disability often enhances marital happiness, according to a study by Jeremy Yorgason of BYU's School of Family Life. These findings were part of a larger study conducted over a 20 year period, which helped Yorgason conclude much more than an increase in marital happiness for couples who face physical disability. "It is important for couples to consider that there are many things affecting their relationship," Yorgason said. "They shouldn't become overly focused on physical disability or some other major difficulty they may face." Yorgason's study, first reported in the academic journal Research on Aging, compared five aspects of marital relationships - divorce rates, couple interaction, disagreement between spouses, the amount of problems faced, and overall marital happiness - with a variety of physical circumstances ranging from the ages of dependent children to the functional health of spouses. For Nevin and Julie Graves, physical disability was seen as only one stressor of many that have actually strengthened their 39 year marriage. They have raised eight children together, served in dozens of church callings, and experienced the usual highs and lows of life together. "Love changes with time, it's like a muscle," Nevin Graves said. "The more challenges you face, the stronger it becomes." For married couples, challenges can come in all shapes and sizes. Yorgason's studies hypothesize that the key to overcoming trials is recognizing them and actively addressing them. "When a spouse has a defined disability, the couple can take the time to adjust and work to overcome the problem together," Yorgason said. hilarieann@gmail.com

Heigh Ho!

... it's off to work I love to go. Yes, folks, I love my job! I love that I usually have a considerable amount of control over how much I get paid, because most of my income is the tips that happy customers give me. That’s basically what I do as a server at the Smokehouse… make people happy! Well, it’s the point of what I do, anyway. There are many reasons why I love my job. The fact that I make a lot more money than I would at most on-campus jobs is only a perk. I have to admit, this is one of the first places of employment where I have felt truly appreciated. It is amazing how satisfying that is and how much it motivates me to work hard at what I do. It also makes me want to stay employed there as long as possible. People just care more about something when they are cared about, too! I also love my coworkers. All of the servers are darling girls who get asked out by customers on a regular basis [the chances of this occurring goes up when you work at a Pizza & BBQ place where 80 % of the customers are male, but these girls are so cute it would probably happen just as much anywhere else]. My bosses are kind of crazy but such amazing people. The cooks also have colorful personalities, and it’s just beyond great when you can understand them and get along with them. Everyone has quirks that make it just a lovely little place to work! Most importantly, I love the food. I can’t tell you how difficult it is to work somewhere when you don’t endorse the product or service being provided. I’ve tried it, and it’s dumb because you feel like a hypocrite. Good thing the food is so great at Smokehouse because I love everything else about working there! 10 Fabulous Facts about the Smokehouse: 1. The Mac & Cheese is amazing 2. Don’t order corned beef as a platter… it’s too salty when it’s plain 3. Jared has a button for the basement 4. Nacho doesn’t like making flatbread and nobody knows why… not even Nacho 5. Sometimes business is crazy busy and sometimes it’s super slow, but you can never really predict when 6. Elvis, Blues, 70’s or The Grateful Dead 7. The bathrooms are through the door 8. Bee Money hearts Dani 9. The tall sauce is our sweet BBQ sauce and the short one is spicy 10. Your mom loves Smokehouse

New and Old

I have been stretching my thoughts lately to span some wide distances... from the past to the future. It is probably because so many things have been happening to me that force me to stare my future square in the eye and look back on my past and how all the things that have taken place play into what is happening to me, here, now. I feel a need to reconnect with people I have known and cared for in years past. That shouldn't prove too difficult because this is the wonderful year that all of my best friends from high school return home from their missions and I have the opportunity to see old acquaintances. I'm also realizing now how fast the time has gone by since I graduated high school. Life is so different now, and I expect it to be continually changing, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. My blog layout, for one, has recently been changed by yours truly if you haven't noticed. I am quite fond of it! Change is good if we make the most of it. So that is my plan for this new year. I usually don't make a list of resolutions. I'm feeling quite inclined to this year, however... we'll see... some of it might end up posted here. Anyway, here's to then and now and forever hereafter!

Personal Anecdotes

Today, I would like to post some stories about my childhood that I love. This is basically bits and pieces of a personal history paper I wrote for my family history class. It also reveals lots of other things about me, I think. Enjoy! [NOTE: it's a little long, so just press on for as long as you please] On March 18, 1988, my mom asked my dad to bring her a dozen red roses. That was the day I was born. In her post-labor excitement over having a baby girl, she forgot about her request until the next morning when she woke up to twelve lovely red carnations by her hospital bed. My dad came in the room beaming, and asked her if she liked her roses. I have one brother named Justin. We have never fought, but did get into some trouble together when we were little. One time we decided to paint ourselves green. My mom and dad were not very happy when they found two green spray-painted silhouettes on the side of the house. They were not any happier when they discovered that my hair would stubbornly remain green for the next few weeks. One summer afternoon, I decided that I needed a haircut, and that I had the skills to do it myself. Mom and dad were in the front yard working in the flowerbeds when I skipped around the backyard with shears, slicing off random chunks of my dark, straight hair that fell past the small of my back. I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into until my mom evened it all out and presented the new bob cut to my dad and brother. I distinctly remember my dad nostalgically commenting that he liked my pretty long hair. I also remember bursting into tears shortly thereafter, crying “daddy doesn’t think I’m pretty anymore!” Up until kindergarten, I thought my grandma was just my grandma. She was always a grandma. Her purpose in life was to be mine. When she teased about giving my dad a spanking one evening, I giggled, “you can’t spank him, you’re not his mom!” I didn’t believe her when she told me that, indeed, she was. My parents and grandparents had a good laugh over that conversation, but I had a good mental readjusting after it. It was a totally foreign concept to me at the time. Every year in the springtime, Sandy City, where I grew up, would schedule a city cleanup week when residents could load their front curbs with whatever junk they wanted, however large and however much they could fit there without disrupting traffic. City services would then come by and pick it all up to help everyone with their spring cleaning and clearing. I loved Sandy Cleanup. I would rummage through all of the piles on my way home from school and bring home little treasures. I still have a hanging music box I would listen to every night that plays “It’s A Small World.” One time I found a wallet with lots of money in it, so I took the money up to the owner’s front door and received a bitter scolding for going through their personal items. I stopped rummaging after that. Justin would bring me home little trinkets from his 5th grade class every Friday. Some of these were probably less valuable than the items I found on the street curbs. Bouncy balls, mini teddy bears, pogs, and candy were the prizes that students in my brother’s class could purchase with tokens earned during the week for good, kind, respectful behavior. Naturally, my brother always received lots of tokens and bought me something special with them every single week. Near the end of my elementary school days, I discovered several particular interests and talents that I clung to as I began to accept and love myself for myself. I had a teacher who thought of me as a smart student for the first time ever. She inspired me to work hard in school and write and write and write anything and everything. I developed a love for writing and reading that year, and won the State Reflections contest in the Literature category for a story I wrote about an old man who discovers hundreds of fairies living in the crumbling stone wall under the waterfall of a magical pond surrounded by red polka-dotted mushrooms. ...oh to be a kid again, and have such simpler problems and more magical ambitions!

Tag, You're It!

Okay, Emily Ann tagged me in her blog so now I need to post the fourth picture from the fourth folder in my Pictures folder.

Voila:

I took this picture last summer on my back porch in Draper. It was basically right after I discovered picnik.com, and I ran around my house trying to find cool things to take pictures of so I could use them on the spiffy online photo editing Web site!

Now, I tag Kayla and Rachie!

Post the fourth photo in the fourth folder in your Pictures folder!

Things I Have Learned This Semester

...and some things I always knew but never realized that I did... . . . .. . . -1- Never expect anything. It almost always sets you up for disappointment. Pleasant surprises are just so pleasant, anyway. 2- The more time you spend in the Library, the better grades you SHOULD get. 3- If you walk out of a test thinking you did better than you really did, then it is a poorly written test. 4- Being different is a good thing. 5- The Brontës were a strange, brilliant little family. 6- Everyone needs to be appreciated. 7- Scriptures are different every time you read them. 8- There is this really cool butter spray you can get at the grocery store that has zero calories but still makes everything taste yummy. 9- Salt isn't very good for you. 10-It really isn't that hard to avoid contention. All you have to do is try. 11- Dating is confusing. 12- If you don't do your laundry, nobody will. 13-"Say what you need to say!" 14- There is an aquarium in the basement of the Widtsoe. 15-Some memories never fade and some friendships last forever. 16-Snow is beautiful. 17-I am indecisive. 18-Public Relations majors have to write for the Daily Universe for a whole semester. Mine is this coming winter. 19- Being open-minded is such a good thing. It keeps you from getting offended all the time and really makes you appreciate when someone is respecting you. 20- Tomasittos serves really yummy biscuits before 11am every morning. 21-I will be turning 21 this coming year... 22-Rules protect us and make us happier when we willingly obey them. 23- "Just because everything's changing, doesn't mean it hasn't been this way before." 24- Smiling is attractive. 25-God lives and loves me very dearly. He knows better than I what is best for me.

Cereal

This morning I had cereal for breakfast. Sometimes I wonder why we love it so much. If you think about it too hard, you realize that a bunch of thin, flaky wheat crackers floating in a bowl of milk is kind of disgusting. It's just strange, some of the things we think ourselves into liking or disliking. As much as we wouldn't like to admit it, this lovely cereal example reflects how dependent our opinions are upon other people and the cultural contexts we coexist in. Yeah, I just love cereal. So much! My favorite kind of [soggy flat grain cracker] would have to be Life. Cinnamon Life, particularly. However, tomorrow that might change to Raisin Nut Bran, because of the yummy nutty covered raisins. Or if I'm feeling healthy I really do love Special K, but sometimes you just can't refuse the sweettasteofthoseCinnamonToastCrunchswirlsineverybite!

Waiting for the Bus: An Exhibit

I hate it when the bus is late. When I'm waiting for a late bus, I like to take pictures of myself on my phone's camera. It is great fun, but I still don't like waiting. It actually happens quite a bit since I work mulitple times a week and I ride the bus to work. Yes, I have now made quite a ravishing collection of streetside photos that subtly represents the inconsistency of UTA buses in Utah Valley. I've been learning about random things that modern artists do to everyday things and then declare them art. Therefore, I give you art:

Good, Better, Best

What do you do with your time? Good things? Great things? What is something that you could be doing right now that is better than reading my blog? Now, I can see how perusing my chatter and babble may be very important to your personal well-being. However, the thought makes one wonder how efficient our daily routines really make us. I need to make time for what is MOST important. Determine what that is and then do it. Don't waste time on silly little indulgences! Become involved in doing good. One of my favorite quotes by President Gordon B. Hinckley says: "You are good. But it is not enough just to be good. You must be good for something. You must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for your presence. And the good that is in you must be spread to others." This past week I made a nifty little checklist that is hanging by my desk. I've written there a number of things that I want to make sure and accomplish every week, things that I should do instead of facebooking or watching movies to fill any spare time I may have, and a short reminder list of the things I have determined to do daily. It's kind of like my own personal inventory. I'm still not sure how it will work, though. Checklists are good, but they are strange when it comes to an attempt to stretch yourself spiritually, some of those things should just be spontaneous... maybe. Hmmm.... we will just see how this turns out. I think it's a step in the right direction, for sure!

How to Be Brave

Sometimes it's so hard to just open your mouth and say what you must. Each and every time we speak, we submit ourselves to the judgement of those who hear us... subconsciously, of course. There is always the question of what they will ultimately think of us, how they will respond, what kind of an effect you will have on them, and what kind of an effect that will have on your existing relationship. Some of the things we say are more poignant than others in this way, for example, politics, religion, a person's character, and issues of interpersonal relations. The reason I have been pondering these things has a lot to do with the recent election, particularly Proposition 8 in California and my Church's surprisingly active support of it. I've been dealing with the prospect of confonting those whom I respect and care for, about touchy subjects that I feel very strongly about and they feel very strongly about in a completely different way. I've also been learning that there are some things that we just MUST say that may be hard to do. It's strange to think that you have to be brave to just talk to someone. I've gotten so comfortable with just talking to people about almost anything, even people I don't know that well. I watched a mission prep. fireside today that was completely focused on "open[ing] your mouth" (D&C33:2) about the gospel. Share what you know to be true with everyone you come in contact with! Even if it's scary. Be brave! .... gah... Why do we fear each other so? What is so terrible about judgment from others? How do we overcome those fears? I guess these could be rhetorical questions... but I still want to answer them for myself.

Patriotic Conviction

Today the billions of Americans who call themselves registered voters are fulfilling their oh-so-important civic duty. I have to admit I am not one of these people. It's probably a good thing that not many people read my blog, because I am a bit ashamed of this fact, and I'm sick of coming up with excuses why I'm such a slacker. I truly wish I had remembered and found the time to send in that silly little paper before September 31, or whenever the deadline was to postmark it. Why didn't I register before this year? Well, I honestly haven't felt the need or pressure to. Until now. Of course, it's only pressure I'm feeling at the moment. Everyone who has asked me about it and discovered my terrible transgression has been somewhat angry with me for not registering and voting this year. They make me feel like such a terrible person. Interestingly, though, most of these people are my fellow students. It is quite amazing how so many young people are finding it more and more important to be a part of this national ritual. It seems that way, anyway. I genuinely commend them and admire them for this. However, I don't personally regret not voting this time around, and that makes me wonder if I ever will understand the importance of voting. I see that it is partially the principle that matters. The fact that every single eligible citizen in this great nation has the opportunity to give their own input is truly inspiring, even if it so often is undermined by the overwhelming majority. It is the fact that you are participating, truly becoming a member of this grand brotherhood of Americans, that seems to fuel a large amount of conviction. It's kind of like singing in a large choir. If you were to step out in the middle of a song, it is doubtful that much will change. However, being a member of that choir is what makes you care. If everyone decided to stop singing because their one voice was unimportant, there would be no sound at all. I never really felt that twinge of patriotism that runs through the blood of far too few Americans until I took American Heritage at BYU. I believe that it is because I grew to know those people who fought for something stronger, more stable, and more safe for the wild variety of people in this world who just want the right to be themselves. I learned and gained a testimony that God truly had a hand in the founding and stabilizing of this great nation, so that His restored gospel could bless my life today. I guess I just need to find that conviction that will inspire me to claim and contribute my seemingly insignificant ballot. Maybe next time... Just don't murder me before then for not really caring too much right now.... ... P.S. I didn't take this picture. I just think it is very beautiful. The URI to TrackBack this entry is: http://americantraveler.blogsome.com/2008/08/31/statue-of-liberty/trackback/